whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
