I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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