Did you just see the Batmobile???
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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