I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I wear drunk well.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize