i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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