I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
