I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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