Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I have surprise drugs for everyone
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
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