Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
