He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
