Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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