Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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