tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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