His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I feel like abortions should bother me more
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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