The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I wish i was in the wii world.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
