They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
