You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
