My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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