this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize