I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
