Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
