Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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