He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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