I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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