He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Randomize
