I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
