I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
