I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
