I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
