census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
