i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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