fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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