Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
cat food counts as protein by the way
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
