I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
