Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
