I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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