apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
