Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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