If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
