I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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