dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Randomize
