I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize