I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I love you. Go after that dick
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