I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Randomize
