I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
