The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize