You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
