I'm really into asian looking animals
Betty ford says i'm here all night
Fuck appropriateness.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
