Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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