obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
