Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize