Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
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