I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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