it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Randomize
