Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
The beer is more important than you right now.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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