I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize
