We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize