She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize