hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
