I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
