I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Randomize
