I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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