It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
me + whiskey = a bad person
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
