Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
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