She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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