First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
