can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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