why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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