come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
