I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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