I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
