2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
