and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize