i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
