Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
