I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Such a big mess for such a small penis
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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