whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
