Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
