She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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