I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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