he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize