I think I won the penis lottery.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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