I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Randomize
