So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Randomize
