My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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