If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Your cock deserves a montage
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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