He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
