I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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