So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
