1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I party with great urgency now.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
