I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
