He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I supernannyed him into submission
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
