Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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