my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
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