Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
