Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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