he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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