i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
As shirtless as possible
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Randomize
