I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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