He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
i out mim tonsoeep
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
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