Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Randomize
