In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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