so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
barbara walters just said penis...
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Randomize
