Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
