I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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