Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Randomize
