I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize